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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were focused solely on him. It shocked her deeply. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several in her circle have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I introduce discussion points and she changes the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been planning a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to offer personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She really only wanted validation of her plans. I have returned from 30 days in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to express how this makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a version of their life they cannot abandon as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace from having been open and direct.